The following passages are taken from one of the best books I’ve read this year, Pursing Health in an Anxious Age, by Bob Cuticle, chapter three, “As It Was in the Beginning.”
The chapter itself opened with the quote by Gilbert Meilaender, which says, “The true God … will always disappoint our desire for independence and self-sufficiency.” I knew from that quote alone this was going to be one of those sort of chapters that hurts so good. And I was right.
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“We are continent beings.”
“…suffice it to say Adam and Eve chose a world of their own making rather than live in dependent creatureliness in the garden.”
“Highly influenced by the cultural air we breathe and our assumption that weakness and limitations are bad, we choose to control outcomes to exclude these possibilities [of good or bad] whenever we can.” [Side note: before sin entered the world, God created Adam and Eve with limitations and many forms of dependencies. These were included in God’s mind and thought when He also declared the creation of these creatures “Good!”]
When we forget God is a caring, sovereign, redeeming agent in the world… “we cease to experience a world that guarantees us a place in the total scheme of things. Not knowing where we belong, each one of us is forced to find our own way. This places intense pressure on the reliability of our personal decisions, thus making us uniquely anxious in our choices. No wonder we plan incessantly in order to minimize chance and contingency. If we get it wrong, so we think, there is nothing in a hostile and impersonal universe that will rescue us. It certainly adds to the worry and anxiety with which most people pursue health and fear sickness today. Every uncertainty, every contingency that makes the world less predictable and more beyond our control, is a source of great dis-ease. So we reach for every new technique and technology that will enable us to regain control [think: new diet fads, minimalist trends, etc]. Alone and unsure of our place in an uncaring universe, we rely on our knowledge of good and bad and the technical solutions [Ex: minimize your personal belongings…] that promise deliverance […to gain a more peaceful home, happier children, etc].”
“As the book of Genesis closes, Joseph’s words to his brothers [who abused him and sold him into slavery] give us good news for an anxious age: ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me …, but God intended it for good … to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid” (Gen. 50:19-21). That God remains an active agent in the world and is able to incorporate even the things we assume bad into greater plan that can be good has the possibility to drastically change the way we pursue health and face sickness [or everyday bumps in the road, things we didn’t plan for]. … The Idea that God is good, that God seeks communion with us, and that God has power and intention to work out good no matter the bad leaves us open to a much wider range of hopes and expectations than the singular one of health at all costs and with any technique.”
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Anyone else out there offended with me?
What has been sticking in my brain since reading that before bed a few nights ago are these two things: 1) the author’s description of the person who plans incessantly to minimize pain and maximize efficiency is me. to. a. capitol. T. and 2) before reading this I literally viewed the world as an uncaring, hostile universe with nobody in control, nobody there to save me, so I’ve certainly gotta figure it out for myself! This thought led to living out number one.
So, instead, what I’ve been reminding myself is to plan for grace.
The burden of anticipating every possible out one of a situation was never meant to be my place. That is wisdom beyond me. Plus, that means I view weakness as bad, when God views it as good, even a possibility to display His glory.
Psalm 55:22 says we are to cast our burdens on the Lord and He will sustain and care for us.
Getting practical, the moment you show up for a doctor appointment and forget the snack and toys to keep thereby quiet in the waiting room, see the grace God provides in the friendly lady beside you who is willing to chat and smile at your baby the entire time, keeping them so busy that the half an hour of waiting felt like two minutes. (Any of you who are moms know these are the real, nitty, gritty things that make up the moments of anxiety in our days, however silly and mundane they sound. They are small reflections of the bigger heart problem.)
1 Peter 5:7 reminds us also that we are to be casting all our anxieties on us because He cares for us.
We sang a familiar hymn in church today, one most of you know yourself.
“My name is graven on his hands,
my name is written on his heart.”
Do I actually believe that He cares that much about me that He’s tatted my name onto his very being (even metaphorically speaking)?
Only because of Christ’s righteous covering on me can I say with certainty, “Yes!” And it’s that same covering that attracts God’s care. Because, guess what? He doesn’t remember your sin, the way you were a stinker to your husband last night, or self-indulgent in doing what you wanted to do instead of getting up to help and serve your family.
God is in the business of stepping into hard situations and pouring out his grace. Providing. Redeeming circumstances.
God always provides. I know this. He does. But something I’ve realized recently is that I don’t always like the way He provides. I think it should be one way, but He provides in another. I saw this last week when Ira was sick for 9 days straight. I had no idea what to do with Ari inside for that long. Littles boys, mine at least, don’t do well indoors for more than a day straight, let alone nine. I felt God needed to heal Ira of his sickness so we could get outside and burn off some energy. But as a truly miraculous form of grace and divine maturity in Ari’s life, we spent most of the week literally occupying himself with various toys around the house while mommy and daddy took turns cuddling Ira to sleep on the couch. He helped. He listened. He was way more responsive than usual. Was Ira still sick? Yep. Was I still tired? Yep. Did we get much sleep? No. But God provided and met my need and Ari’s needs. He allowed me to see His hand literally at work in the life of my oldest child, so I could sit humbled and declaring with Paul, “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!”
Maybe these things don’t matter to you, but I’m having major mind renewal over here. I stepped outside today being assured of that fact that no matter what small sufferings came my way, the one in control of it all is going to be for me for all of eternity.
Friends, let’s rest as we plan and anticipate God’s grace!
In Christ
In the Marginalia 